Rant, Trust, and Faith

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“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

Mark 5:34

It’s been a long time, folks. The world turned upside down while we all ducked for cover. Some did it begrudgingly while others stayed in out of a sense of responsibility- or fear. Whatever the reason, I have changed. The world has changed. We cannot deny it, but we need to recognize the changes. Maybe even lean into them.

The pandemic is touching most every part of the planet. Some places are much worse than others. It has taken me over a year to get to where I can actually write rather than filling up my notebook with ideas and thoughts. I am struggling. There. I said it. I am struggling. I am struggling to see how anyone can deny the existence of a virus powerful enough to overload major hospitals and kill thousands and thousands of people EVEN THOUGH it’s happening right in front of us. There is no way it can be a huge hoax. No way.

I get why people question the immunizations. They appeared to be developed very quickly without much oversight, even though this virus is not new and a vaccine has been in the works for years. The varying messages and information from what were supposed to be official sources did nothing to help. I am struggling with tragedy becoming a political issue. How can major political parties take credit for the development of the vaccines without once working together in the formulation? Who needs credit anyway- as long as the vaccines are safe and work. Same thing with masks. So many different sources with different information- EVEN AFTER wearing masks was scientifically proven to slow the progress of the virus. I struggle to find a valid argument against them, but some people keep trying to provide one.

Ranting may help me work through the consequential struggles of COVID 19. At least, I hope it will, but I doubt it. How can I address my feelings of helplessness, anxiety, sadness, fear, depression, and all of the other dark and dreary emotions that go along them? I haven’t had an avenue to express these feelings with anyone- or rather, I haven’t looked for an avenue. Logically, I know I need to do it, to work on it, and to figure it out. I want to be normal again, but I don’t even know that that means. I crave understanding, knowledge, and logic. Digging through all of the presented information and arguments has not provided enough. Trustworthy articles and news casts are met with counter arguments. Expressed hostility in popular culture toward anyone with a different view is rampant. There is little respect for office, degree, or humanity anymore. I struggle with this, too.

The only comforts that are constant for me are trust and faith. I trust that God has a plan and a purpose and have no reason to question Him. Feel free to question all you want, at least you will be talking to Him. Faith is trusting God even when you don’t understand the plan. I don’t understand the plan. Talking to God is always my refuge. Listening to God is my serenity. Living for God is my strength. I know that God will redefine my normal. I know that I will still struggle and will probably continue to use this platform to rant. I will be fine, better than fine. The bible decrees it. There is no predicted outcome where I will not come out of this pandemic better than I was before we fell into it. For now, know that I am praying for us. I am praying for an end to this madness. I am praying for answers and direction. I am praying for peace. God speaks my language. He speaks all languages. He is the universal healer. That is my understanding, knowledge, and logic- all I need.